What Are My Resolutions?

Indeed.

Think Think Think.

I know there are people who don't believe in resolutions. To set a goal at this time of year under peer pressure via 'tradition' seems illogical and irrational. The whole New Year's hubbub over the appropriate time to start afresh is just mob mentality.

Then there are people like me, who believe resolutions should be made all year long. You should constantly continue reevaluating yourself to maintain a balance.

I still find this time of year refreshing. I still find the positive in the mob mentality in that it pulls me into a reflective place to do some goal setting.

One of my biggest irritations with myself is financial. I think and talk about money a lot. I hate the way it rules us and the way we need it, but love what I can have or do with it. It irritates me to find such satisfaction in new things when its not the things in life that are important but the people and events that make memories. We will leave a legacy, small or big, when we die. It will be in the memories others have of us. Why get wrapped up in what we have or have to do? Because some of those memories take money to make.

I want to Save Money.

The second biggest irritation in my life is that I have to be healthy to live it. I feel I am not doing the best for myself. I feel like I need to exercise more and eat better and help my body support my mind as I grow older. There are a lot of resolutions made around this same desire. This is one resolution I make to myself continuously and always fall through. It is HARD to accomplish. 

I want to Be Healthy

This involves doctors appointments, a better diet, more exercise, me-time, good rest, and good planning.  I can't just resolve to change my diet. I'll be unsatisfied. I can't just resolve to do more exercise when I know I have a really packed schedule coming up with work, extra work, and classes. I have to attack this problem from many angles at once. This takes some major thinking.

Been Thinking About Resolutions

I have so needed this break! I am recharging my batteries. We have a long run (slow, painful plod) before spring break, unless the snow we just got is any indication that we will have lots of snow days or delays.

Been working on my resolutions. Saw a picture, it said:
*If it feels wrong, don't do it.
*Say "exactly" what you mean.
*Don't be a people pleaser.
*Trust your instincts.
*Never speak bad about yourself.
*Never give up on your dreams.
*Don't be afraid to say "No".
*Don't be afraid to say "Yes".
*Be kind to yourself.
*Let go of what you can't control.
*Stay away from drama and negativity as much as possible.

I think these would make good resolutions because all of them would make you feel better about yourself which promotes health via well-being. Now, let's break them down.

"If it feels wrong, don't do it." Common sense, however there are times when you have to choose between the lesser of two evils. There are also things the feel really good but are bad for you. Logic does not play into this statement, so chances are good that living by this credo will find you in trouble. Impulsive people live by this statement alone. You can stay alive, but the kind of life you end up with is probably not the best.

"Say 'exactly' what you mean." Unless you speak to your boss, or you want to get fired. The sentiment here is to stop beating around the bush, to be honest, and not to say the things hurt people if you can help it. That's not how it is worded, however.

"Don't be a people pleaser." This one would be hardest for me, since I desire to be liked and try to keep others happy and the energy around me positive. I have learned to be tougher on my students and teach them consequences. I want to be all sage, like a great sensei who keeps her mouth shut and lets the student fall to learn a lesson. In that sense, I'd fulfill this statement. Or perhaps, I'd just stubbornly go my own way and not follow the advice of others, which is probably the sentiment here.

"Trust your instincts." Here is a head-vs-heart statement if ever there was one! Instinct is often a combination of both. Earlier statements lacked logic, but this implies that you need it. Without logic, you'd be a beast running untamed across the land.

"Never speak bad about yourself." Hello poor grammar. Sometimes, you need to be humble, but overall, this is just good manners. Conversely, don't toot your own horn. Ever since I read in the Bible to let others praise you, it stuck with me. It makes sense. No one wants to listen to a braggart. It is far more valuable to be praised by others and it is worth far more. It gives you cred. If you put yourself down, you discredit yourself and also will believe the negative things. At the very least, it feels bad.

"Never give up on your dreams." I find this one the hardest not to follow. I'm always dreaming. Life is about getting to your next goal. Make a bucket list and go for it! Sure, life sometimes derails you, but don't let it stop you. Ammend them, add more steps in your goals, but keep dreaming.

"Don't be afraid to say 'No' or 'yes'." Let me combine these for length. Basically, be decisive. This is my greatest fault. I take too long to decide on things. I allow others to weigh in and pressure me. I don't think a resolution in this area is going to break me of this.It's a right-brain, left-brain battle that makes me who I am. Cautious, careful. I do like some spontaneity, but I usually want a plan.

"Be kind to yourself." ALWAYS! I know some people are masochistic, and things happen where we torture ourselves, especially emotionally, so this piece of advice that seems unnecessary really is. If you can't be kind to yourself, you don't love yourself. If you don't love yourself, you have to start by loving others and by being kind to others. You can't expect the world to just be kind to you out of the blue whenever you need it. The rest of the world needs this advice, too.

"Let go of what you can't control." Wow. How do you know what you can't control? If something is out of control should you stop it from careening into the wall and breaking you or just let it go? If you are in charge of your own destiny, then the things you cannot control are the other people in your life. Sometimes letting them go is the hardest of all.

"Stay away from drama and negativity as much as possible." Well, at least this statement takes into account that you can't isolate yourself from drama. It happens. Bad things happen. Drama makes good TV but no one wants to live it. I guess the opposite of this is to seek out drama and jump right in. Considering this point of view, stay out of business that isn't yours!

I think I may just go back to resolutions that promote my physical health. It seems there is too much gray area in this emotional stuff. If I keep my body healthy, then I will live long enough to let time heal all wounds. :)

Christmas Season Blessings

Gee, it's only been, FOREVER since I've posted.

I'm home with sick children, and not feeling too hot myself. Apparently, you have to knock me out to give me any time to blog these days.

1. I got a teaching job, the one I wanted, so YAY ME!
2. Have to take classes to keep it. Boo. :( I mean, GO LIFELONG LEARNING.. yeah.
3. I really miss writing. A LOT. I wish I had more time for it. With classes coming up and stiff state regulations on my teaching, there is a lot of paperwork and not a lot of creative time.

In other news, Christmas is coming and this year is going to be a good one. The trees are up. Presents for others are wrapped underneath, making them look festive.The little one actually sat on Santa's lap, and the older one has traded his faith for skepticism, but he still sat on Santa's lap. We overheard him ask for tools for Christmas, which is not something he told US he wanted, therefore I think this is a clever ploy to see if Santa exists. Now I have to buy him an adjustable wrench and a screwdriver set for his stocking..

I am fortunate this year. I am grateful. I have new books to read, a new car to drive, a job, and insurance. I am covered. I have a lot of blessings. It is time to think ahead. To think about giving back. As if teaching and buying things for my students and planning fun field trips isn't enough.. :)

I'm wearing my teacher/student/mom hat next year. When that is over, I really want to get back to writing.  I can do this. 

Ferris Wheel Scalper

We went to the fair, and  I had already bought my tickets in advance. I paid half price, because advance tickets were on sale.No waiting in long lines a the ticket booth! Score! It was 'dollar ride night' or 'one ticket a ride' night, because the tickets were one dollar a piece.


Simple, right?


Well, MY tickets are different, they are striped and printed on them is .50 because they were a special deal. The man at the giant slide handing out wool blankets explained to the girl taking tickets that the striped ones were some 'online deal' and they were good.


Every ride accepted them as one ticket. The Tilt-a-Whirl dude had no idea what special was going on, just took whatever you gave him. He looked at our tiny ticket squares - that's what they were this year - with amusement, and also like they were psychedelic. He was really nice, but I think he had just woken up. I had the feeling he'd probably let us on for a sandwich... but I digress. Just because I was frugal, didn't mean my tickets counted any differently.. until the ferris wheel.


I (and my son) get up there and the man says, "He needs to ride with you."


And I say, "Yeah, there's two tickets."  I give an encouraging smile.


"No ma'am, it's dollar ride night, these tickets are 50 cents. It costs a dollar."


Confused, I attempt to straighten him out. "I paid a dollar PER ticket, it's one ticket to ride."


"Look Ma'am, this says 50 cents. It's a dollar to ride." He shows me the ticket, where the .50 is printed clearly.


"These are ADVANCE tickets. Each ticket is WORTH a dollar. The lady said.."


"Well she told you wrong! Take it up with her! Go on." So I turned and ushered my son back down the entrance ramp.


"Fine." (I always have to have the last word, don't I?)


"Mom, we aren't going to ride the ferris wheel?"


"He kicked us off, he wanted two tickets instead of one."


The man watched me for a good 30 minutes after that. He was thinking I was chicken for not going to the office and complaining right then. He was thinking I had PLANNED to dupe him, that I was devious.


Hopefully, you people know me better than that.


While my post is mostly about a miscommunication in the terms "Dollar ride night" and "One ticket per ride night", I was reminded of this story (rant) by a link to this crazy policy in a New York restaurant.


After reading about the way the man was treated over some 'policy' (It's always easier to blame the system isn't it?) I was thinking of the daycare policy that made me leave the daycare.


The contract sets forth that parents who pay cash must pay the daycare provider during holidays and vacation days that they are closed and not working. I was not working either, and not getting paid, so I was unable to spend money I didn't have. I explained that I could pay her back over time, but that was a breach of contract. If they let me do that, then they had to let ALL the OTHER parents do it too. If I did not pay, and chose to withdraw my son, I could never return. I didn't.


Rather than accept a late payment by a parent who pays cash, they chose to fill that spot with a kid on assistance from the state, WHO DOESN'T PAY WHEN THE CHILD IS NOT IN ATTENDANCE. The state doesn't pay them for vacations, so why should I?


I get that a business needs to know it's costs and income, but partial payment is better than no payment. Even the state sometimes pays them late.


In this case, the anti-discriminatory policy discriminated against ME, the PAYING parent.


Policies are weird.


So are carnies.

Self-Help In The Mirror

"It's just.. this is it for me. I don't want to go back to that dark place." I stared at my shoe. It was easier than trying to figure out the mirror's blank stare.

"You've experienced it before." It was a leading statement and I decided to fall for it.

"Any time I've done everything I know how to do: gotten letters of recommendation, called the principal, subbed in the right schools, talked to teachers, crafted the perfect resumé, and it doesn't work out.. I fall into a deep depression."

"Knowing this, how have you prepared yourself for the possible rejection?"

"I have backup plans, but they are wimpy. The best one is to be an assistant again. But I know that we still barely get by on that. At least I don't have to pay for daycare this time, and if I happen to assist at a closer school, I can be home earlier with the kids."

"Good. What about your hobbies?"

"I'm trying to figure out how to combine them into something lucrative, but I haven't succeeded."

"Does it have to be financial success?"

I squirm. "I have looked at volunteering, but I still need gas to get there. No work: no gas."

"What if you took it as an opportunity to write?"

"I'd feel lazy, be called lazy, and crawl deeper into a comfort zone in a cocoon of home. In the past when I was unemployed and wrote, the house fell into disarray, I got defensive, and I started self-loathing which created more tension, accusations, and stubbornness."

"You'd not stay lazy for long, I know you."

"Eventually I go on a cleaning spree, or I spend days applying for jobs, going to interviews that fall flat, and I start dreaming again. But is this really all there is?"

"Have you considered going back to school?"

"I contacted some Advisors, but if I still don't find a job, I will have more debt piled on top of me."

"A career change?"

"To what? This is what I am made to do. I have tried to change my thinking, be happy attempting something else, but I always go back to teaching, tutoring, and writing."

"You can be pretty inspiring and a give good advice."

"Motivational speaker, eh?" I raise an eyebrow. "What's my platform?"

Stumped, I turn from the mirror. I hear distant arguing. My boys need me.